It Was The Artist In Me Who Ensorcelled

17 March, 2009

Art is why I get up in the morning, but my definition ends there. You know, I don’t think it’s fair that I’m living for something I can’t even define. ~Ani DiFranco, Out of Habit

One of my biggest passions in life is music. I love music and will listen to it all day in various ways – from my own collection, as part of a television show, on the radio in my car, or streaming online from sites like I have never been so dedicated to music that I really became fluent in reading it, but that never kept me from playing instruments, such as the recorder, alto sax, piano, and guitar (poorly), nor did it keep me from singing (not so poorly). It was once my greatest ambition to be part of an a capella group, though nothing ever came of it. I’m unsure of whether that was because I didn’t have the ambition or I was just too paralyzed by stage fright.

When I was once asked to start a solo in my high school chorus, I totally choked and lost the chance. I was able to sing there and even had a brief experience with a professional chorus while I was living in Germany. However, though music has never been my true creative outlet; it has often acted as a muse for my aesthetic and visual art.

I often wish that I were musically talented, that I could spend time playing or creating or composing music, but the reality of it is that if I were really that passionate about playing music, I would leave aside everything else in my life and just do it. And, I have recently come to realize that, by comparison, creating aesthetic, visual, digital and kinetic works of art is something I absolutely am that passionate about. While music often provides a backdrop, the main love affair in my life always has been and always will be with creating works of art with my hands. And, while I love using digital software and media to create visually stimulating works, there is just such a lovely sense of accomplishment that comes with creating something beautiful out of raw materials with your own hands.

While I spend my days working for a non-profit organization doing administrative work, my love and reprieve is working on our website and various graphics projects which we use for print and online advertising. It is obvious to me now that my future lies in design and not with administration. While I am just in the very beginning stages of learning, I pick things up quickly, especially when I get excited about them, so I am hoping that this comes as easily to me as learning a foreign language or writing a proposal.

I am inspired and motivated, looking forward to grasping what it is I was put here for. I know that my path has been long and winding, but I still made it to the place I am supposed to be at this moment. I have become more and more certain recently that this is what I want and need to do with my life and I look forward to the journey from where I am to where I want to be.

Through twitter, I have recently a plethora of lovely people who have inspired me to really put aside everything else and concentrate on my dream of becoming a graphic and web designer. With their tutilage and mentorship, as well as my own passion and drive, I am certain that this goal is not unreachable, nor is it unlikely. Hard work and genuine interest are rewarded and, unlike my affinity for quality music, my love of art, I am committed to the journey, long and painful as it may be, because I know that the end result is something I will have physical evidence of. It has always been the artist in me that has pulled through, done anything to survive, attracted friends and lovers.

I always believed it was the artist in me who ensorcelled. I believed it was my esoteric house, the colors, the lights, my costumes, my work. I always stood within the great active-artist shell, timorous and unconscious of my power.  ~Anais Nin, A Journal of Love: the Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin

There is no time like the present to take what I have and make it into something more. Drawing on my own power, I am making a commitment to not only making something from nothing, but making something great, a legacy I will be proud of.

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