So much has changed in the last year, in the last six months. My entire belief system has been challenged and shifted. My understanding of the world around me has opened up and become both more clear and more wondrous.
I used to feel very cynical and I used to consider myself an atheist. I was so sure that God did not exist. I didn’t understand prayer, at least in the traditional sense. And yet, I thought I was open-minded.
I always respected other people’s right to believe what they wanted, but secretly I judged them for being wrong. For not questioning enough. For following blindly. But now I know that I was skeptical because I didn’t have enough lived experience with the divine. My lived experiences involved deep spiritual connections with nature and with other people, but there was still something lacking.
In the last six months, there have been some things that have shown me what my struggles have been for. I have found new connections and new purpose. There have been some major changes in how I spend my time and, while there have been obstacles and backsliding, I feel more than ever that I am actually moving forward in the time that is right for me. I am (very slowly) learning to trust in the universe and surrender, recognizing that my path is laid out to benefit the highest good. This does not mean that I am giving up, but that I do my best and let Spirit take it from there.
I used to try to control everything. I thought that I was the only one that could make a difference in my own life and that circumstances and hard work were the only things that would move me forward in any aspect of life. I now know that it’s not that simple (or that challenging).
I was constantly swimming upstream. Now, I’m working on finding a way to work with the current. I’m investigating my gifts and listening to my gut. There is something inside that will take me in the right direction if I don’t let my overly analytical head get in the way. It’s a different kind of challenge – letting go, trusting – but it’s a challenge that is worthwhile. It takes a lot of the pressure off. I no longer feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. It’s a relief, really.
I’m definitely feeling lighter, healthier, more full of joy. I am able to let go of the past because I know now that there was a reason for all of it. It took a lot longer to learn the lesson than I would have liked, but I am trusting in the Universe that the plan is unfolding in Divine Time.
So, here’s to experiencing the Source of All Life, which is God and Spirit and Creator. I am grateful and I am moved. And I hope that I will continue to experience the beauty that Spirit has shown me.